Spring cleaning fling

Yup. I started spring cleaning today. It felt like spring. Only to snow tomorrow. But it felt so good to just get rid of stuff today. I cleaned out our bedrooms, storage areas and loft and got rid of about 6 garbage bags of clothes, 3 boxes of toys and just some other random stuff. I picked up a feng shui book from Barnes and Noble and was motivated. One interesting thought that I learned from it, is that I have these plants from my mom's funeral that somebody had given us. I hate to water them. Every time I look at them it reminds me of where I got them. So that is to say, I don't water them that often. In the book it says we have to let go of some of the things that are holding us back. I think I might throw those plants out. Even though its hard for me to throw away living things. But I think there is some sense to that. I always think of her funeral when I look at them. I just need to let go. I was able to get rid of some of the things I was keeping that was hers. Just some old magazines and other stuff. Although, I got most of her decorating books and I just don't feel much like decorating without her help. Anyone want to help me with that? I could use some suggestions.
Tomorrow is crossfit day. I can't wait. I hope to work on my upper body strength a little. Chris and I are planning to go spelunking in a couple of weekends. He picked up a book from the library called On Rope and plans to do some hard core cave exploring. There are some pretty amazing caves around here, I can't wait to see.
This weekend we're going Cross-country skiing with all the new snow. But now I'm sad for spring to come, I won't get to ski anymore, I guess I'll just clean instead.

Never a dull moment

I'm feeling much better today. When the kids were fighting today, I just calmly talked to them and told them why I did not like what they were doing and they stopped. It was nice, but it doesn't always work out that way. But at least it did today. And Mason's still coming up and hugging me about every hour. Even last night about 2 in the morning, he came upstairs and told me he couldn't sleep because he didn't get to hug and kiss me goodnight last night. How cute is that? Although 2 in the morning is going a little too far. It still is cute. I'm lucky to have such great boys. Who love their mama very much. It's trying at times, but growing up as an only child, I love the noise, laughter and fun we always have, even if sometimes they fight. I would have traded my own bedroom, toys and all the individual attention from my parents (especially the negative kind) for a brother or sister. I used to watch wednesday's child to get my parents to adopt someone. It was pretty lonely growing up. Chris says that sometimes Tren and I fight like a brother and sister, but its all fun. I would have given anything to have grown up with siblings close in age. Sometimes I feel that loneliness now when I see people have a close relationship with their siblings. I have great brothers and sisters, but it's not quite the same. They are in different stages in their life right now and it's hard to share in each others burdens, struggles and triumphs. But I guess I had other benefits of growing up alone. I did have more attention and more things. I wasn't forced to share, so it's easier for me to share and give now. Although I think I lost out on associating with people and trying to get along. It's hard for me now to be close with people, since I didn't really have anyone to be close with before. But I am happy where I am at and have exactly what I need. What more can I ask for?

Motherhood is not for sissies

I'm not really in the mood for posting today, but have to for class. As you can tell, it hasn't been my day (again). I've been struggling with the kids today. All they do is fight and I'm not sure how to teach Ander not to hit, especially those younger than him. I always hated those kids with older siblings who would pick on tren whenever we would go anywhere, now I have one of those kids. What do I do? It's funny, because they all did something the other day that is very indicative of their behaviors. Ander was throwing shoes down the stairs and tren told him not to, that he would get into trouble. Mason on the other hand said, "Do it Ander! Do it!" I think that motherhood is the greatest, but some days really test you to the limits. One happy thought though. Mason keeps coming up and telling me that he loves me and that I'm a good mommy. That makes it all worth it.
So, I know that I'm not perfect, but I am just trying to do my best. I've been wondering why people can be so mean sometimes. When they can't find enough to feel good about themselves, they have to put you down and criticize you. Would everyone please think good thoughts of me right now. I could really use it.

short and not so sweet

Not such a great day today. I'm trying to be positive, but it's not working. Why is that? Sometimes you feel great, then something bad happens and it ruins your day.

Organizing the randomness and choas

Ok, so that last post was pretty gross. Sorry. I'm feeling much better now. Thanks to antibiotics. I never thought I'd hear myself say that. My tummy is not thanking them, that's for sure. Funny how all drugs, we need a counter acting drug to counter act all the side effects that are encountering. Now I'm eating yogurt, lots of yogurt. Sometimes yogurt makes me want to vomit. Sometimes I like it. Just depends on my mood.
Right now I'm journaling about yesterday. I missed yesterday because I was doing homework all day, then we had friends come over and watch a movie. Then it was late and I went to bed. Chris cleaned the house and it is so nice. Tomorrow I hope to do some organizing of the household contents, so it doesn't get to be such a mess next time. It seems as if I have endless things to do and accomplish and less and less free time to do it. I think part of the problem is having much too much to do these days. I need to eliminate most of them. Starting with the mess in our storage room. I think that is what I plan to tackle tomorrow. Any suggestions or hints? Where is my mom when I need her. She would have my storage room organized and cataloged with room to spare.
I've kind of missed her today. Usually I stay so busy that I don't even realize that she's gone sometimes. But today at church they talked about someone who died, then that brought back a bunch of memories for me. Speaking about someone who died. Isn't that sad about Larry H. Miller? I bet all those people who wished him harm and malice (over the brokeback incidence) are feeling pretty bad right about now. No body deserves to die like that. He wasn't my favorite guy, I didn't love his style of business and I knew his son, so I sort of knew what type of person he was, but no body should have to die like that and have it be so public. I feel sad for his family. I know sort of what they are going through and it's not fun.
Also today at church in Relief Society they talked about simplifying your life. And that any person should set priorities and can really only accomplish 3 priorities at a time to be successful. Maybe that's my problem. When I set my priorities for the next day, it's usually a sheet of paper and I don't have enough hours in the day to accomplish them. I am working on goals for the class of mine, I just need to find the time to set them, let alone work on them. I think that's what I'll try to work on tonight before I go to bed. I had a 4 hour nap today (still recovering from the sinus infection), so I shouldn't fall asleep when I set them. Hopefully.

Thick green snot

Sinus infection from hell. So I have never had a sinus infection before. Now I know what all the fuss is about it. My head! My poor poor head. I'm not sure if it will ever be the same. I've been sick now for 2 weeks about and waiting for the end. I feel like I'm swimming in an endless sea of green goo. On to a lighter subject. I finished some homework tonight and that lightens the load in my brain a little (I need a little more room in there). Also, I'm all completely finished with bookfairs at Tren's school and I'm never looking back. I'm thinking that this sinus infection is just a collection of stress that has built up in my head and made a permanent home there. Kind of like the commercials with the mucus guy who sets up home in some guys lungs. Mine has made a place in my brain. It complicates things when you need to use it, for like homework and calculating bookfair totals. But I feel like I can relax a little more knowing that 2 things off my to do list are done. Housework is the next green goo to be got. So that will be my goal tomorrow, assuming I'm feeling much better by then. Otherwise I'll take a sick day and blow snot out my nose.

The sun will come out tomorrow

I didn't have much time to think, let alone think positive today. I got up, took kids to school, went to crossfit to work on my ankle, came home, dropped the kids off, went back to tren's school, found the janitor to set up tables, tables were set, found the bookfair lady, she locked her keys in the car, found the janitor again to help her get her car unlocked, looked for carolyn to kick out the class that was in the library, successfully kicked out the class, ate a quick lunch while walking and talking in the halls at school, hung up fliers, took fliers around to teachers, set up all the books for the bookfair, found we were short a few tables, made more room to set up books, found the lady to get the cash for the cash box, started the bookfair, mad rush of people at the bookfair, helped the person who was taking over for me know what to do, got tren and went home about 4:00, an hour after I was suppose to be, went home and checked email to see if more volunteers would help with the fair tomorrow, found out there is a cyber bully on our school chat list, read all those nasty emails, commented, started homework just in time for chris to get home, started dinner, ate dinner, started homework again, now blogging for my homework. Now do you see why I didn't have a second to think? It giving me heartburn, or was that the dinner? Maybe a little bit of both. So that was my day, pretty eventful, huh?

I think my day might be more of the same tomorrow, but with less help than today. Always an adventure! I have an assignment due in my politics class on Enlightenment, it's a fascinating subject for me, one I wish I had more time to spend on, but alas, I need to try to finish it tonight, so that's what all be doing now. I hope to not be as crazy busy as I was today, tomorrow. My goal will be to just take it in stride. I didn't yell or get frustrated with the kids today, so that is good. I didn't have time to. I like staying busy, but this is insane. I'll be so glad when this week is through. We might be going to Cedar City this weekend, so it should be a nice relaxing weekend with the family, I hope. My goal for tomorrow, is just to smile and say, "it will all be over soon".

Positively positive

I tried to have fun with the kids today. I really did. First I went to workout at crossfit. We did the chieftess. It was pretty intense. I think it may be their hardest workout yet. I took the kids to the store after, mason and ander were fighting the whole time. I tried to stop them, when Ander bit me as hard as he could. It almost drew blood and I had tears in my eyes. Next mason jumped up and whacked me in the chin with his big head. Seeing stars I did. I still have a bruise there now. Luckily they wanted to go play with friends, so I didn't kill them, but I took them to their friends for the day. While Ander took a much needed nap and I worked on getting ready for the bookfair at Tren's school tomorrow. I'll be so glad when this week is done. I also have a big assignment due this week and my house is in dire need of cleaning.

Think positive, think positive. I have have been trying to work on having more positive thoughts. Well, actually I have been working on not having negative thoughts. I haven't really had time to think of anything positive at the moment. I'm working on it. One positive thing I guess would be my workout today. I sure feel good, but a little worn out afterward. I feel my body getting stronger everyday. And that feels good. I think that tomorrow, my goal will be to try not to get worked up over the kids if they do something wrong. I will take deep breaths instead. And think positive. Positively positive.

Alien matters

I wasn't able to post last night because I was so sick. We went cross-country skiing yesterday morning and then came back and ate a huge breakfast. I think that is what did it to me. My stomach still doesn't feel quite the same. It was at Over the Counter, and I swear that food is not natural. It's tasty, but not natural. It's like those old twilight or alien shows where aliens run the business, though they look human, and they put an alien substances in it to fatten us up, so they can eat us when were all fat bellied and ripen like a tomato. It's an episode right out of Doctor Who. do-do-do-do.

Today went too quickly. Why does that happen, I wonder. When you are working or doing something you would rather not be doing, it drags on. But when you are doing something you enjoy, it's over before you know it. That was how my day was today. I picked the boys up from my dad's and I was hoping to go somewhere fun after, but by the time we got back the day was over. We did manage to go to the red barn and eat. But I was hoping to take them to the dinosaur museum. We don't get down that way too often. I'm trying to decide what to do with them tomorrow, Tren has the day off from school too. I want it to be fun, even though I should be cleaning my house. But I suppose that can wait. Kids are much more fun. We'll probably go to the children's museum even though I hate that place. The kids love it. We'll see how the morning goes though. Any suggestions of a fun day off of school place in the winter to visit? I get stuck in ruts and don't vary too much. I need to get out of my shell more and try new experiences out. Also, I'm finally getting bored of facebook, which is really good. I was spending too much time there. I don't feel entertained there in the least. I like seeing what my friends are up to and that's it. Someone needs to stir a bit of controversy in it to get it going again. Hey it works for the media.

Well I think I'm going to go to bed early tonight. My stomach feels like an alien is growing inside of it. It must be the food, I was right! Tomorrow my goal is just to have fun with the kids while they are home. Sounds like an easy goal, right? Sometimes having fun with them can be more work than it's worth. But as long as they are having fun, that's all that matters.

A valentines melody

Today I finished up a lot of my homework and that felt good. It's nice to have something that has been looming over you hover somewhere else for awhile. Tonight Chris and I played racquet ball and had a blast, but I need to work on my off the wall shots. Then we went to dinner and had sushi. My wrist was tired from all the racquet ball, so it was hard managing the chop sticks. Though you think I would be able to with the workout I got. We're just getting ready to go midnight x-country skiing. It's suppose to be a near full moon tonight and it sounds so lovely to ski by the moonlight. Though we shall see how my night vision works, skiing in the darkness. Interesting. So I better go and get ready, so we're not up all night. It's been a nice valentines, especially with my sweetheart. I'm so lucky to have him. He is my best friend and always thinks the best of me. He motivates me to be better. He always believes in me and that I can accomplish anything. He loves me dearly. What could I want more. Thank you Chris! Though you'll probably never read this.

Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Friday the 13th

Today I was a bit sad, and I'm not sure why. I felt sad for those people who lost their lives in the plane crash. How horrible. Also on my way down to my dad's I saw a terrible car crash. It was a head on and I don't think anyone survived. It made me really sad. I don't know if those sort of things affect me more because I was involved in a bad car crash. All I know is that I would never want to survive another one. It's horrible. I couldn't get it out of my head all day. Just thinking about that. One thing I do know is that people don't feel pain as those injuries happen. I like to think that it is Christ's suffering in Gethsemane that we are all spared from that pain. I know because after my car accident, I didn't even realize that I had broken both ankles until after I had asked Chris if he was ok, then he asked me if I was ok, then I looked down at my feet and realized that I couldn't move them. Then the pain set in. ANd it was bad. So I know that people who die in horrendous deaths, don't feel the pain and that is a good thing. The only good thing that comes of it. Ok, now this is getting really grim. But I've just had a bad day I guess. It must be Friday the 13th. What is it with Friday the 13th? Does anyone have a good day then? The people in the plane and car obviously didn't. Is it all just superstition? I have heard that ER's triple in their busyness during full moons and friday the 13ths. Is that all just coincidence? Who knows.

I'll try to come up with at least one thing positive. I was able to give my dad and my kids valentines gifts. I love when Tren is out of school. I feel like I get to see him much more and we get to talk and play. It feels more like a family when he is around. I know, I know dad you are going to say to homeschool again. I would love to, just not sure I could do it right now. Maybe before he gets into high school though. My goal for today? I can't remember. Yikes. I must have not accomplished it. Obviously. My goal for tomorrow is to do kind things for chris all day. It's valentines day. Actually today is, I better get some rest. Don't want to be too tired for tomorrow night. Oh nevermind!

Happy Pappy

Ok, I'm not quite "all finished" yet, but I'm working on it. Today I had to co-op, meet with the preschool teachers about their needs and visit teach. I felt rundown. I had made an appointment to get a spa treatment (a valentines gift from chris.) I tried to cancel, because I was sick, but they had my credit card number and required a cancellation fee. So Chris' brother came over while I went and it was so nice. They did this sort of steam on my face and it broke up all the sinus pressure I've been having. I had no idea that facials included a hand, foot, head, and neck massages. What have I been missing out on. It's fantastic. So I feel a bit better than I did this morning. Though with all the running around I did, I had little time to work on my homework, which is what I am now going to return to.

Tomorrow I'm going down to my dad's for Valentines. We're going to lunch and then take some flowers over to my mom's grave. My dad was always really sweet to my mom for valentines. Actually to me too. I remember he would give matching necklaces to me and my mom and cards to his "sweethearts". It's really hard for my dad right now, I wish I could live closer by him. I'm sending my boys down there for the weekend, so I'm sure he'll get his fill of us for awhile. But he loves it. Don't you dad?

I'm not sure what goal I'll have tomorrow. I'm going to crossfit in the morning, so I guess to wake up on time to make it there by 8:00 sounds like a good goal. I sure love working out there. I have felt so much better since I started. I even see a bit of a 6 pack forming. It won't be long now. I'll be able to take Chris on. Funny how when you do something good for your body, it pays you back. I feel so much more positive and happy. I guess that's my one positive thing for today.

sick of being sick

Well that was an easy goal. Instead of relaxing a little, I relaxed a lot. But I think it was much needed. I have a head cold now. I'm hoping it doesn't move into my lungs. I went to workout yesterday at crossfit and we worked our abs, so my ribcage is in pain. But whenever I cough, it hurts ever so much. I'm really hoping I feel better tomorrow. I'm co-oping tomorrow. Oh joy. At least it's the valentines party, so it should be a little more fun than literacy. I really don't like literacy. I sound like the kids when I say that.

I was really nice to rest today. I don't feel like I really get to do that much. It's usually only when I'm sick and then there's not much rest there. Tomorrow's goal, is to finish my homework that I got stuck on today. I'm a bit closer to finishing it, but with taking care of kids, myself and my cold, it was placed on the back burner for awhile, ever smoldering. So I hope to say "all finished" by tomorrow. I'm finishing that book for class about what you say to yourself and it's been a big help to me. I realized that it's all about being more aware of everything around you, everything you say and aware of how it affects you. It's really quite a good book, even for a self-help book that describes itself as a non self-help book and puts all self-help books down. You should read it too.

Humdrum

Today, I'm wondering why people have to be critical of others? Does it help to have another person criticize your life? What makes a person feel that they need to dump their feelings and thoughts on you? Everyone has a way of doing things, a way of living that is quite different of you of your own. Why do you feel the need to make everyone like you? I'm just a little frustrated today about somethings people do. I try to love people how they are and accept people. It can be hard, but I don't ever tell someone that something they are doing is ridiculous or stupid or that they could be a better person if they would just look or act different. So why do people do it? Are they concerned for the welfare of my soul? My eternal being? What's right for one person isn't right for another. I just wish that there was more acceptance in this world. More love. That's what Christ taught. Acceptance and love for even the sinner. He didn't try to change the sinner, but inspired the sinner to change for himself. If you really want to help someone, help yourself learn to love that person and see that person the way Christ sees them. Because words can only hurt and make it worse.

Ok, that was kind of grim. Something positive today, was I did eat much healthier today. I only had one brownie bite and lots of veggies. I'm so proud of myself. Tomorrow, I think my goal will be to try to relax for part of the day. It was kind of stressful today. I feel like I've been run mad. I went to a parent meeting tonight at Tren's school to find out that I was the only one there who knew anything about the preschool, so I had to help a dozen new families with questions. It was a bit insane. Why did I get involved? I need to learn the word no. That will be my next goal. Also another goal I have tomorrow, I need to get some homework done that I've put off far too long. Ander's been sick and I feel like I'm catching it, so if I just relax tomorrow and not stress over anything, I think I will feel better.

Go for the Goal

I accomplished my goal today. I cleaned most of my house today and did all my bookfair, preschool, community support emailing. It looks like I'm on 4 committees now at Tren's school. I'm crazy! But if I don't do it, no one will. Our last bookfair is next week, then that's all done. Then I'm trying to get a committee going for preschool. I just told them, I don't want to be in charge of it. So far no one else does either. But I don't want to loose our preschool. And finally, I'm in the committee to get our school re-built. I also told them I wouldn't be in charge of that one either. In all this busyness, I've sure met some great people though. The school if full of them.

I'm sure glad I was able to get the house mostly clean. I think that was a good way to set a goal. Not to say, "I will clean my house", cause then you feel guilty about not getting your house clean. But just to say that I will clean it a little bit more than it is today, is a nice way to accomplish something. Cause you're bound to do at least a small amount and anything is better than nothing. So my goal for tomorrow will be to eat just a little bit healthier than I did today. Today, I had way too many brownie bites. But they are so good. Tomorrow, I'll at least have a few less. Also, I'll go to crossfit to work off the brownies that I did partake in today.

I think it's all about how you set your goals and what you say to yourself that affects whether you accomplish them or not. If you set to high of goals, too lofty, you might get discouraged and fall short and then not do them at all. But to just do a little bit better today than what you did yesterday is an effective goal, cause you bound to accomplish at least that and then feel good about yourself. I think in our society we have a tenancy to expect great things, instant gratification, reward for little work. So when we don't see results or reach our goals, we feel disappointment and then failure. A lot of little things add up to big things and then we accomplish a lot. The saying here is, just keep trying! And never give up.

Sunday Slump

You know how when you wake up from a bad dream, it sort of stays with you all day? That's how my day was today. I couldn't shake off that feeling. Church was a bit depressing. I kept feeling like I would cry any moment. Ander was up last night coughing too, so I didn't get much sleep and the sleep I did get was full of bad dreams. So I think I will keep this entry short and sweet. And go to bed. One thing I would like to start doing is, make at least one goal for the following day. My goal for tomorrow is to work on getting my house just a little bit cleaner than it is today. I decided not to say to clean my house, and instead just be happy with what I do get done. And I plan on having a better day tomorrow than it was today. I'm also going to Crossfit, that always makes me happy! Sweet Dreams!

Not for the feint of heart - period

So I got mad at Chris last night. That rarely happens. But afterward he asked me if my period was coming. He said that is the only time when I get upset with him. Then he said, "you know you should be sensitive to the fact that your period is coming and try to not get so angry". That set me off again. Any woman knows that she can't be sensitive to that fact during that time. Right? It just happens. So I started thinking about that. I went to a group gathering with my niece Lindsi last summer. It was all about Moon Lodges and periods. It was great. I learned so much then. What a Moon Lodge is, is a lodge where women spent time together and all bled together in the Native American culture. You know how when 2 women live together, their cycles start mimicking one another? Well this is the same thing, but the women would all go into the lodge for the duration of their periods and the men would tend the kids. Sounds wonderful doesn't it? Also this girl told us that when we are bleeding is when we are releasing & cleansing our bodies and our emotions. It is a very healing time. We should be bleeding with the cycles of the moon and if your hormones are balanced is when you bleed during the new moon. Can I tell you that my hormones are not balanced. So far I have been bleeding at the full moon. I'm not sure what that means yet, but I'm looking into it. Also, she said that when we have PMS, it is not a bad thing, it is that we have been storing up our emotions and energy to prepare for the release. One thing she said is that we don't put up with the bull shit anymore. It is a learning time for us. We are sensitive to the fact that something is amiss and we just won't take it anymore. Then our period helps us to release that stored frustration. I know this all sounds skeptical, but it is what the native Americans believe and some other cultures too. Even if your mind thinks that this is the case and it works to help you have a smoother period, why not try it. She also gave us a calendar of what to eat all through out your cycle that will help with balancing out our hormones. So PMS is not a bad thing. It shows you what you need to do to fix your life, what you need to work on and help others through. Also, when you are on your period is when you receive revelations. Your own or from God. So it's an excellent time to meditate and reflect. In the moon lodges is where women would make plans for the village to help one another. I heard someone is working on making a moon lodge here in salt lake, though I don't know when or where. If anything, it sounds like a peaceful way to entertain your mind. One thing I learned a long time ago, we should celebrate our periods. I know that sounds crazy. But it is what makes us a woman. It's what we have in common. It also is what enables us to give birth. The biggest, most wonderful, beautiful miracle. Creation. Life. I found that if I enjoyed my period and embraced it and not try to stop it or hold it back, I had NO cramps, no headaches and no pain. It's a very relaxing time for me and I enjoy it. But Chris doesn't enjoy the preparation of it. It's really the only time I yell.

Look what I can do

It has been a much better day today. I went to crossfit gym today and I always feel better after I leave there. I've been setting little goals here and there about what I want to accomplish with my workouts. One of them is to have my upper arms cut, so if I wore tank tops, I'd look ripped. Only kidding here, slightly. My main goal is to accomplish something. Stick with it and never give up. It's pretty intense, but you feel it working for you.

Today I went to my favorite thrift shop, because they were having a sale. This is one of my downfalls and I'm working on fixing it. But I need my thrift shop fix. It's sort of a high to find something of value that someone else has thrown away. And look at what you've saved. Or spent. Depending on how you look at it. Partly I feel like I'm doing my service to the plantet. Reuse and recycle. Notice how I didn't mention Reduce. I need to work on that one a little, or a lot. Our society has become one of consume consume and less of conserve. Although it is changing. I know dad, you're going to burn tires for every carbon foot print I save. But more than anything, what is this life worth if all you have is stuff and less time for those you love. I'm deciding today not to shop at thrift town unless my very life depends on it. Life should be about living and not so much about getting. It is one of my goals as of now to Reduce and start living. I heard a quote somewhere that you could save 20% of your time housecleaning if you just get rid of stuff. I don't know about you, but I want to spend that 20% with my kids and NOT cleaning. I just remembered, I have a card for $10 free to spend at thrift town. I can't let that go to waste, you know recycle. So my goal starts right after I spend that $10. Hey, you can't do everything perfect.

Hungry hungry piranhas

I'm trying to be positive today, but it was a pretty stressful day and i'm feeling a little sad because of it. You know those cartoons where some dumb character falls into the water, only to be attacked by a lurking bunch hungry piranhas? This is how I feel today...



I began helping with the preschool, only to realize what I had actually gotten myself into. It's a mess. It's a massacre waiting to happen. And I feel like I walked right into it. The preschool is not the problem. There is a whole list of problems, namely, those who want to do away with it. We just need a good principal at the school and hopefully we'll have somebody by next year. But whoever it is, has a lot to deal with. 200 parents who all want there way. Ok, this is not a very positive post is it. That' just sort of how my day has been going. I'm being eaten alive.

On a brighter note. I'm going to bed now. That's something positive. And maybe tomorrow will be a better day. I'm going to workout after all!

Busy as a bee - sorry i had to

busy day today. After I dropped Tren off at school, I went to Crossfit for ankle rehabilitation. There is a physical trainer there who is helping me strengthen my ankle. It was pretty intense, but I felt a lot of progress. He used to be a marine so he worked me pretty hard. But it will be worth it. So now I go to crossfit monday, tuesday, wednesday and fridays. I may even be going to pilates on saturdays. busy busy.
After the gym I went to costco, then to lunch at Omar's Raw Foods restaurant with my sisters. I love that place. I don't think it was their favorite though. I think you have to have a taste for it, or its just a salad. It was nice to go to lunch with them. I don't see them nearly enough. We planned to all get our hair done together next week and then go down to visit my dad for valentines and put flowers on my mom's grave.
After that I came home and worked on homework and bookfair stuff for tren's school, while the kids took naps. After which I had 2 meetings to go to at the same time. It was my last beekeeping class and I had a meeting to go to for Mason's preschool. They were thinking about closing the preschool, so I had to go and show my support for keeping it open. Which, I took on the job of starting a preschool committee to keep it going. So now I'm on 3 committees there, not too mention, I'm still working on getting us a new school building.
The beekeeping class was pretty uneventful. I basically knew everything she talked about. That kind of class can't teach you much. Sometimes you have to dive right in to understand. But at least it was a relaxing end to my hurried day. Not sure if I have anything really positive to say about today. My posts are becoming some kind of motivational blog. sorry about that. But it really has been helping me to re-evaluate my day and see what the heck I do all day. And all the things I can accomplish tomorrow. Which is shaping up to be another busy day. Co-oping.

Determined Determination

Today was a great day. I went and worked out at the crossfit gym and loved it. I'm starting to feel so good. It's funny how when you take care of your body, it takes care of you. I didn't get angry at the kids or even at the stupid drivers. I sort of felt... happy. I even took the kids to McDonald's to play, and they will tell you how much I hate McDonald's. But that's another post. But I felt that I had the energy to have fun with them, instead of getting angry at them. It was nice. Just like my previous post, why don't we do more of the things that we should, that will actually help us, why is that so hard? It's really a matter of determination and will. Today, at crossfit, we were deadlifting weights. We all practice on lesser weights, 30 lbs, 50lb, etc. Then Holly (crossfit trainer) pulled out the big ones. 135 lbs. All the girls tried it, then it was my turn. I said, "that thing weighs more than I do". But I tried it anyway and I did it! I was so proud of myself. It was so fun because we all high fived each other and cheered each other on. Now who wouldn't love that and feel good after that? I'm going to crossfit 4 days a week. twice to workout and the rest of the time the physical trainer there is helping me strengthen my ankles. It will be busy, but worth it. I'm not sure I would do this except for the free childcare involved. That has saved my life. I stress way too much over finding someone to watch my kids as it is. I'm not really doing this workout to lose weight or anything, but I took an evaluation in my class and realized that I wasn't getting any form of exercise and how it's so important to exercise so you can feel better about yourself, even if you just do a little. It's one step closer to being a better person. There is a quote at the gym that says "Hell is meeting the person you could have been". I like that quote. Not as much as I like my doctor who quotes on the side, but it definitely hits you in the gut when you think about it.

Tonight I was playing chess with tren and he's a good little chess player. He took out my queen first time and I didn't even notice. I remember as a child playing with my dad, determined to win. I probably played him 100 times before I finally won. I was probably about tren's age when we started playing. I was just thinking about how my dad never gave in and let me just win and that made me even more determined to win. The game was going on for awhile with tren tonight. I would help him a little bit, a few suggestions like, "hmmm, are you sure you want to move that there?" and "It looks like something is about to be killed". The game was going on for a too long and it was past his bed time. I stopped giving him clues and ended up beating him. He cried and was so disappointed, but I don't think I'll let him win but give him something to work towards and be proud of, just like my dad did for me. Though, I don't think it will take him 100 times like it did me. He's one determined little soul.

Cookie cookie cookie

Why is it so hard to do the things that are good for us? For me, it's eating healthy. I try so hard, but sometimes I just can't fight it. But I do try. It's like when I was trying to study for my final exam for anatomy, I just couldn't focus. My mind would wander to chocolate cake. Or whatever would be waiting in the kitchen for me. No wonder people gain weight while their going to school. So, I tried looking online for studying techniques or suggestions and came across a site that said something like, whenever you try not to think about the chocolate chip cookie, you're going to think about the cookie even more. So what do you do? just give into the cookie? Or what. Chris said then, try not to think about anatomy. It didn't work.
I started working out and it's very painful but very worth it. I hope I stick through it. I really think I will. For one thing, they have a physical trainer there who is going to help me strengthen my ankles and that is really what has been holding me back from doing all that I want to do physically. But eating healthy, I need some training on that one.
Why is it hard to do what is good for us. I was talking with a friend of mine the other day. He hasn't had a job for months now and I think is getting a bit worried and stressed. He left the church a while ago, but I asked him if he prayed about getting a job. He said no, and that he's past all that. But I told him that there has been studies that prayer actually can help, if not for an actual supreme being intervening but even for the mere meditating and directing your efforts for good. Then I said, it couldn't hurt. The worst thing that could happen is nothing. And he agreed. Often what will help us, is the last thing we rely on. Even if we think that it is helping us, that's really all we need. What do they say, that optimist are the most healthy people. They do what's right for them or at least try. For now, I'll try not to think about eating healthy. Maybe that will solve my problem.

Existentially Excogitate

At school we had an assignment to figure out what type of learners we are. There is a man named Howard Gardner from Harvard who did studies to see how student's learned. He found that there are at least 9 different ways in which a person learns. They are: Bodily-kinesthetic, Interpersonal, Intrapersonal, Linguistic, Logical/mathematical, Musical, Spatial, Naturalist, and Existential. I found that I am mostly an Existential learner which means that according to Gardner: "The capacity to locate oneself with respect to the furthest reaches of the cosmos - the infinite and the infinitesimal - and the related capacity to locate oneself with respect to such existential features of the human condition as the significance of life, the meaning of death, the ultimate fate of the physical and psychological worlds, and such profound experiences as love of another person or total immersion in a work of art.
He notes there is not a requirement to find ultimate truth. It is the potential to become involved in concerns beyond the daily routine. This capacity can be aroused and used under some sets of circumstances."
In short, it means that I learn by questioning the universe. By questioning what it means to be human, questioning why I am here. My head is often in the clouds, so I do think that this description fits me. From this little exercise I realized that we all have specific talents and ways to which we learn by. We are all not logical thinkers or learn things in the same way and that's ok. It would be boring if we all thought alike. I tend to question everything, even logical answers, because I believe everything is not what we see. I guess you could say that I have the "God gene", according to some people. But I think it's more than that. I think we all have different talents in order to come together and help one another.
The second mode of learning that I also scored high in is Spatial learning which: "Accurately observing the world visually and being able to alter those observations. ... there is a great deal of sensitivity to "color, line, shape, form, space, and the relationship that exists between these elements." Such people can visualize in great detail, draw the visual or spatial observations, and orient themselves in the world around them.
Thinking about and appreciating geometric shapes begins early in childhood. It involves realizing that a box is still a box regardless of from which direction it is viewed. This usually is followed by continuing to define and differentiate between shapes by ages 9-10. The artistic eye stays strong on into old age."
I think that is why I liked the movie The last mimzy so much. I love mandalas and all their geometrical shapes. And I love eastern medicine and traditions. I think their way of learning is very much an existential thought process. It's pretty fascinating the more I am learning this. We sometimes conform so much to a Logical, mathematical way of thinking. That's ok for some, but we are not all created the same. And what's logical for some is out right bullshit to others. We all learn and process things so very different and it's ok to disagree with others. I love my beliefs and I love that I learn existentially. I love that I can find meaning in the universe and in every little thing. It might not be there, but it sure is fun using my imagination. If you want to try this experiment and find out what type of learner you are, leave me a comment.